this is embarrassingly probably one of my most girliest admissions. it sucks. when i was about 12 years old it finally hit me that i wasn’t like all the other girls. even though i’d previously thought myself pretty much the same as any other kid in my class, it wasn’t true. i was much bigger.
sure, there were girls taller than me by considerable amounts; even a few shorter or the same height. but i was wider. i remember being frustrated that i wasn’t exactly a kid anymore, but certainly didn’t look like any of the pretty girls. i kept wondering when i’d end up looking like a real grown up girl. i guess maybe everyone goes through that? one day you’re a child and the next you’re grown and glamorous, with a whole new body. instead, all i figured out was that i wasn’t as thin as the rest of the girls around me. my clothes were a little bigger, and i took up more space.
taking up space.
this concept completely occupied me for the rest of…well, forever, i suppose. if we’re going to be honest here. constantly aware of exactly how much space i’m taking up, how much room i fill, the yards of cloth required to cover me from sight. constantly fucking aware. and it started in earnest just by looking at my classmates, probably in PE or something like that, and realizing we weren’t exactly the same.
mine :