would have been 75 today…
i’m nervous about the direction my life is going in, parts of it are really awesome…well, tolerable. parts of it are nerve-wracking and terrifying and horrible. parts of it i’m completely numb to (ugh, preposition).
but the biggest thing that is worrying me right now is that i’m just so tired all the time, exhausted really. and i don’t think i can do this? or i don’t know if i want to. but it’s harder to fight through the exhaustion when you’re so god damned lonely. i feel like i’m fading away, old crumbs being slowly wiped off a cluttered counter.
i don’t really think it’s even possible. like…ever.
i’m almost ok with it, or at least learning to deal with that now. but i’m never going to be able to just…be.
and i’m always sad