on being st00pid (not just stupid, but st00pid):
there’s something completely soul-devouringly horrible about *knowing* you’re stupid. it makes you seriously want to burrow so far into the ground that the light above isn’t even a visible dot in the blackness, and never come up for air.
because you can’t go about your existence in blissful ignorance. you know that you’re not the sharpest crayon in the box. you’re 100% completely & fully aware that you’re a flickering, dim bulb hanging by a single wire, surrounded by beautiful, vibrant fluorescent lights and brightly shining neon signs. a completely dumb sack of shit.
and you KNOW it.
when something goes over your head, you know it’s gone over. and when something is too difficult for you, you’re totally aware of everyone else who can manage effortlessly.
and you realize that you’re lacking.
i could go on and on, endless simile upon meaningless metaphor. but let’s just leave it at:
it is a decidedly unpleasant feeling (i.e. i’d rather fuck a cactus than feel this way)