that is the bottom line, really: i was fucking not prepared.
sure i waited forever and ever and counted minutes and days and hours and FOREVERS until i could finally see the season premiere of battlestar galactica but i was fucking not prepared, people!
because it was absolutely, unbelievably spectacular…and i was not prepared.
last season ended with a one-year jump to the future and cylon occupation of a barely settled, newly discovered planet/safe haven. all shit summarily hit the fan…and then some.
season three brings us 4 months into the occupation, and things aren’t much better off than we last left them. some of the human captives have given up, given in, and become cylon collaborators. some of them — under the guidance & determination of col. tigh — are actively resisting, and laying their lives on the line in the hope that the galactica will be back, that they will have an escape.
but there is no sign of the galactica, and the cylons are cracking down, and everyone is going a little bit fucking crazy in the aftermath. …including the cylons.
- new capricans (? i still think ‘new caprica’ is a stupid name)
- tigh: i love tigh. he’s surly, he’s grouchy, he’s a drunk, he’s a pessimist, he’s a tough-as-nails old bastard. and i love him. he gets the job done, and he doesn’t always make the right choices but he sticks by what he believes in. he’s loyal to a fault. he believes the cylons are evil and must be fought tooth-and-nail every step of the way. he believes that the olmos will not abandon them and that they will be rescued. he believes that his wife is a whore, but at the end of the day she’s still his wife. and he doesn’t take shit from anybody. hell, he was even getting along with starbuck in the end. tigh is a crotchety old man, but now he’s a crotchety old man with an eyepatch, and that’s awesome. and he has more balls than a goodish number of the captives on new caprica anyway.
- ellen: i think ron moore purposely made ellen as dislikeable as she is from the get-go. because she really is a lousy human being. completely. her one redeeming factor is that she’s loyal — if not faithful — to tigh. in her own fucked up way, she loves him, and that is the only thing keeping her alive usually. and she’s the perpetual fuckup, she’s already put the resistance in far more danger than necessary. she’s ruined situations like this before just by being herself. and you know, she’s easy to hate. i do think, however, that ellen tigh’s days are numbers. you can only play both sides for so long before you get burned, really. i wouldn’t put it past a cavil to tell tigh or maybe one of the resistance members that she’s been fucking him & providing information just to fuck with her & everyone else. and i wouldn’t put it past tigh to choke the life out of her before he realizes what he’s doing. it’ll be fun!
- starbuck: has probably lost her mind. she’s been held captive for the entire 4 months since the cylon occupation and probably doesn’t even know if anders is alive or dead or not. in fact, i wouldn’t be surprised if leoben told her he is. she is trapped in a deceptively makeshift prison with a crazed cylon brainwashing her every waking moment. and even killing him — with awesome throat stabbings — doesn’t end that particular hell. what’s worse, he’s trying to break her by foisting off an evil cylon child on her. which is just so many different kinds of fucked up and creepy. and i keep waiting for her to snap that thing’s neck. and i can’t wait till she breaks out and kicks some major cylon ass. but, since the theme has been “how much crap can we put starbuck through” since season 2…i wouldn’t be surprised if she goes completely fucking nuts first.
- roslin: is alive & in theory well (and she fucking lives through the gunshots at the end of the episode!!!!). roslin is adorable still, and teaching still, and active in the resistance as much as she can be. and she’s still adamant that the cylons must be stopped, and that collaborators are traitors. and she still hates baltar…in fact, she won’t take any of his shit anymore at all. the prison scene with the two of them was awesome because it mirrored so much of their previous situation, but even better because roslin is not giving up this time. and she slapped the hell out of tigh, she’s gotten a lot tougher in the 4 month since the occupation and i’m sure she’ll get tougher still. plus, she needs to get back to airlocking
thingsbabies. - the olmos: hehehe he has a mustache! wee! and he’s the olmos! yay! and he thinks appollo is a fatass pussy! cuz, you know, he is! the olmos rocks because he always will, and because he’s going back to rescue the rest of the fleet from the cylons. but i think the guilt at leaving them all behind so suddenly, and the strain of everything since the first attack has taken it’s toll on him and he’s going just a teensy tiny bit crazy. since he’s far too chummy with the evilboomerwhore. helo as his xo is cute, but not the same as with tigh. and, did i mention he calls appollo a fatass? becaus he is…a possibly pregnant, fatty mcfatpants.
- appollo: after black market, after the bulk of season 2, i didn’t think it was possible for appollo to be any bigger a pussy…but i was wrong. i forgot he could get fatter, and even whinier. and apparently he’s a big ol’ stress-eater, too. he still acts like a petulant little child in the face of the olmos even though he’s a fuckin’ commander now. even dualla isn’t up to dealing with his whiny bullshit anymore. and i’m sure there’s part of him that still is sore over starbuck/anders and thinks ‘that’s mine!’ even though that’s creepy because she was totally engaged to his sister. also: dualla totally married him because the ways he is like the olmos, who is like her only father figure since the attacks, which is just so totally squicky. i hope he gets his shit in gear, though. because he is a little too bit much of a liability right now. and also: fat.
- gaeta: i like gaeta a bit more now, but i think he’s doomed. if the chief doesn’t rip his throat out, someone else probably will. and his name is felix…hee! but, i think he made a mistake leaving the galactica; i think he made a mistake exposing the election cover-up; and i think he made a mistake falling so ass-backwards in love with baltar. he is a source within the administration for information that helps the resistance, but he’s also kind of a wank too. lately, anyway. you can tell that gaeta wants to do something but he’s afraid to take action. then again, gaeta never was an “action” guy. he’s always been in the background, quietly going about his business. i think he doesn’t quite know what to do with himself anymore, and you know it’s driving him crazy. gaeta seems like the kind of dude that needs to be orderly and precise all the time. i still don’t think he’s a cylon, though.
- baltar: oh the batshit craziness! baltar has gotten even more slimy, smarmy and weak-willed than before. possibly since he’s getting cylon ass on a regular basis now, and it’s not in his head. capricasix is the only thing keeping the cylons from crushing his head and the new capricans from lynching him. you can see the small, residual human bits of him that want to side with the rest of humanity against the cylons. you see his paltry efforts to reach out to roslin and act like he’s being magnanimous. then you see him pouting and avoiding and sulking and sinking into his silly depression and ignoring gaeta over the atrocities surrounding him. you see how maleable and in over his head he is, then you see him twitch and you laugh. the cylons consider him little more than a bug, something to step on and squish into oblivion. they humor him for capricasix…they humor capricasix, really. but you know they’d just as soon give up the pretense of a “caprica occupation authority”, off baltar and run the show in their own way. although a cavil did bring up the interesting point of the cylons pinning things on baltar to assuage their own guilt over certain atrocities. i think it is funny if they’re making him their spiritual scapegoat. and yet, he’s still hallucinating six when he is under extreme duress…that’s also fuckin’ insane. i’m waiting for someone to take him out, or for him to completely go totally nutters. er, more nutters.
- chief: did i mention i love the chief? because i do. he’s awesome on galactica, he’s awesome as a union head, he’s awesome in the resistance. he’s a bit of logical balance to tigh’s craziness, and he’s damn brave too. he’s out there to get the job done, then come home and take care of his family. sure, cally kind of snookered him into everything, but they’re kind of cute together now. kind of...not a whole lot. and chief is still a big fuzzy teddybear so you know he’d make a good daddy. plus, he can blow shit up. however, if something bad happens to the chief, i will blow shit up. i could see him ripping the head off of a cavil sometime, maybe. just out of spite.
- duck/jammer: nearly everything involving these two takes place in the webisodes, what we see in the premiere is merely the aftermath. on the one hand you have jammer — a total idiot — who is all ‘frak the cylons!’ and gung-ho for the resistance. except he has squishy morals and really is a words-before-actions kind of pussy. he’d rather have someone else take charge, take action & get the job done — as long as he doesn’t have to know the messy details and let them weigh on his fragile conscious. jammer is a fucking moron. duck is more cut & dry. he’s a good person, and doesn’t get squirmy over the tough stuff, and now he has gone over the edge to that “nothing to live for” place and is fully committed to the resistance. whereas before he was only fully committed to his doomed wife & trying to eke out a living. and while i never paid attention to either of these two really at all, they play very important parts all of a sudden. i totally believe jammer is fully at fault for tigh’s eyeball loss. he obviously is ratting on the resistance for his mistaken notions of what’s “right”. duck, however, has even less hope than tigh and has fully given up. he would’ve been a useful part of the resistance as a fighter & pilot, but he’s probably the most important factor as a suicide bomber. the cylons were not expecting that, they’re appalled by it — which is ironic, since they did the same — and they are actually infuriated by it. unfortunately, it’s probably duck’s greatest impact. and jammer still is a stupid pussy.
- cylons
- d’biers: her accent still bugs me. but, i think she’s likely to side with cavil on any & everything just to piss of six. capricasix specifically. that whole brick-crushing-head thing really pissed her off, and despite how illogical it sounds i think she’s the kind of robot that really can hold a grudge. i wouldn’t put it past her to try and exact revenge either. although, the whole idea of cylons having unique personalities (e.g., the boomerwhores, capricasix) is probably fucking with her process a bit. i don’t think things will end well for her, actually.
- boomerwhore: boomerwhore on new caprica? i hate her. acting like she’s cally & the chief’s friends, like she’s on their side. blah. i still don’t trust her. and it was partially her idea to go back after the fleet anyway, even if it was on that whole misguided “we’ll lead them to god” notion. galacticaboomerwhore? i hate her most, i think (it varies). i don’t trust her, i never trusted her, she’s been lying and double-dealing since her first appearance. i think re-introducing her to the fleet is a giant mistake and that the olmos is going to pay for it specifically. because when she finds out her evilwhorespawn is still alive…she’s going to go completely apeshit. even moreso than helo. and as much as i hate to think about it, i wouldn’t put it past her to give away the galactica/double-cross the fleet/try to kill the olmos. i hate her so much!
- six: you don’t really see much of anything involving the general six population. except for the fact that they could really give a rat’s charbroiled ass about baltar. and that is funny. they also seem to think caprica six is crazy, and aren’t really concerned with their human opponents all that much. i’d like to think this is where the babykilling impulses come from, the general six model. i would like to see some more baby killing in the future.
- capricasix: completely batshit crazy. obviously totally wrapped up in baltar and willing to do anything & everything to stay with him. she’s obviously lost her sights a bit, and can’t see past baltar. but, she may be humanity’s only hope. she’s more adamant about ending things peaceably than the boomerwhore, and they’re the only two cylon voices for humanity right now. sad as that seems. plus, it was funny when the doral shot her in the head. however, she was not the first cylon-on-cylon attacker. that was also the boomerwhore.
- doral: they make me laugh. and they shot caprica six in the head. and i’m pretty certain they might makeout with eachother when no one else is watching. but it seems to be the one model that can go with the flow no matter what. and they hate baltar, which is also funny.
- leoben: we only really saw one leoban model so far, but he’s completely batshit crazy, even more than capricasix. he’s like “join my cult/i love you forever” crazy. like, don’t drink his kool-aid crazy. why exactly he has his sights set on starbuck, i’ll never know. maybe he was really into the whole torturing thing, and is the first example of cylon kink. maybe he’s got a buggy program. or maybe totally fucking with starbuck’s mind is the ultimate cylon revenge. then again, wouldn’t he go after the olmos too? also, that kid is fuckin’ creepy and i really, really hope starbuck eventually snaps it’s little creepy neck. i do enjoy seeing leoben get killed though…throat stabbings are awesome.
- cavil: is really fucking funny. he does somewhat still remind me of doc cottle, but like doc cottle’s evil twin. and i think he’d love nothing more than to nuke the entirety of new caprica and get on with his happy little cylon life. that would be awesome. but he also seems to be enjoying hate-fucking ellen tigh a little too much, too. which again brings up the question of: do cylons ever hook up with eachother? which is also something i don’t really want to think about. i have a feeling the cavil model is going to kill someone important that i like, and that will suck. i wouldn’t put it past him to kill baltar, though. or hell, even ellen.
…annnnd, i’m spent! and currently counting down the days until the next episode. also: roslin is alive!roslin is alive!roslin is alive!roslin is alive!roslin is alive!roslin is alive!roslin is alive!roslin is alive!roslin is alive!roslin is alive!roslin is alive!roslin is alive!roslin is alive!roslin is alive!roslin is alive!roslin is alive!roslin is alive!roslin is alive!roslin is alive!roslin is alive!roslin is alive!roslin is alive!roslin is alive!roslin is alive!roslin is alive!roslin is alive!roslin is alive!roslin is alive!roslin is alive!roslin is alive!