particularly relating to spawning. men are mostly* afforded greater leeway with their reproductive choices (hi, oxymoron!):
9. If I choose not to have children, my masculinity will not be called into question.
10. If I have children but do not provide primary care for them, my masculinity will not be called into question.
11. If I have children and provide primary care for them, I’ll be praised for extraordinary parenting if I’m even marginally competent. (More).
12. If I have children and a career, no one will think I’m selfish for not staying at home.
13. If I seek political office, my relationship with my children, or who I hire to take care of them, will probably not be scrutinized by the press.
…
39. If I have children with a wife or girlfriend, chances are she’ll do most of the childrearing, and in particular the most dirty, repetitive and unrewarding parts of childrearing.
40. If I have children with a wife or girlfriend, and it turns out that one of us needs to make career sacrifices to raise the kids, chances are we’ll both assume the career sacrificed should be hers.
(source: the male privilege)
now, these go both ways…there are plenty of men and women that single-handedly prove (or disprove) each of the above statements. gross generalizations are, as a requirement, generalizations. further reading through the list can make you do two things: a.) get completely angry and horrified by the depressing reality of the statements and their reflection on the world we live in or b.) give you food for thought. or both.
my main nit-pick here is the breeding factor. yes, i am well aware of the double-standards in the world with regards to gender, sexuality, ethnicity, race, religion, creed, class, etc.
not only do men think they have province over the female reproductive process and associated rights (largely with a religious backing driving the governmental procedures!) but they also are pretty much free from all the stigma and frustrations surrounding the choice whether or not to breed in the first place! it’s maddening.
and yes, i know, GENERALIZATIONS. but if a baby — any baby, any where, at any time, to any couple — chances are that 9 times out of 10 the man’s life does not change at all. this is, of course, assuming a heterosexual couple are the example parental figures. the only actual 100% guaranteed involvement on the male part is: conception, fertilization. after that? all bets are off. the man’s body is not taken over, is not invaded and deformed and distorted to house the offspring. the man’s body is not traumatized and painfully demolished to bring forth the offspring. the man is not responsible to provide constant, round-the-clock nurturing and sustenance to the offspring for its infancy. the man is not required to make career sacrifices, or alter his lifestyle to provision for the offspring. in fact, in a lot of cases, more and more you don’t see the man sticking around at all. just look at the number of single mothers out there, trying to do everything on their own (yes, i realize there are single fathers, too). there is no guarantee that the male parent will do the cleaning and cooking and clothing and caring for and driving to the doctor and picking up from school and helping with homework and every other little thing that the offspring will require for the rest of their infancy, childhood and early-to-late adolescence.
what people don’t realize is that child rearing is HARD FUCKING WORK and should not be taken lightly. sure, it’s easy as hell to get a baby, but what everyone fails to realize is that pregnancy alwaysusually results in a fucking infant. a living, breathing, squalling, squealing, leaking, smelling, eating, shitting, puking, resource-consuming parasite that you will have to house internally for 9 months and then externally for at least — at least! — the next 18 years. and if you don’t provide for this being adequately, DSS will be on your ass, or your peers will frown on you. this spawn becomes your responsibility, your permanent drain on disposable income, a negligible tax exemption.
and, i guess what i’m getting at is, at the end of the day the most infuriating thing is that despite my vehement, well-thought out, long-held insistence that i:
a.) do NOT fucking want children
b.) have NOT fucking wanted children in any way, shape or form (except…maybe sauteéd in butter & garlic?) at ANY TIME EVER
c.) will NOT be participating in or facilitating the breeding of any fucking children EVER
my decision is ridiculed, questioned, mocked and belittled in a way that a man’s similar decision never would be. acceptance or even indifference towards a man’s choice not to sire offspring is a validation that i, as a woman (or apparent walking incubation system for spawn), will never receive.
and later this month when i take the first steps towards assuring that no filthy, parasitic offspring will ever try and burst through my god damned vagina…i will most likely face opposition and a marked lack of understanding. should i get my way — fingers totally fucking crossed — when all is said and done, if i were to ever explain the lack of spawn in my life with a simple (but rapturous) “i can’t”, i would be met with pity, and TOTALLY misplaced sympathy. as if i am less of a woman, as if i have no other purpose than to squat out a beastly little creature to please society…
it is this that makes me so furious, and so sick of society.
Note: stereotypes go both ways, m’kay? i make no claim that these statements are 100%, without-a-doubt-true.