i’m having a movielife moment, clearly. it’s not really raining right now, but the next 10-day forecast calls for showers and thunderstorms pretty much without letup (meteorologists lie…) and such, so you know. personally, i like the rain. and yesterday, while at times terribly cold, had a crisp, bright fall feel to it. i know it’s all about the impending subzero weather lurking around the corner…the chilly rain and overcast skies are merely a warning of things to come. but oh well.
i like it now…i’m sure in roughly two-month’s time i’ll be frozen solid and completely miserable. and of course, the weather is merely a distraction right now. because these days, more and more i find myself functioning by method of distraction. over and over again. something happens i don’t want to think about: distraction. i’m in a wretched mood and don’t want to deal with it: distraction. too many things to do and not enough time to do them in: distraction. have the day off and can’t stand to be alone in the apartment anymore: distraction. it’s been a pretty effective method thus far.
i know i am most likely being childishly ridiculous and stupid. but i can’t really be here alone anymore. yeah, i have lola and the lard ass to keep me company. and it’s not necessarily that i want company, per se. it’s just that i don’t want to tense up everytime i see someone walk past our windows. i don’t want to scrutinize every single noise — every footstep, gust of wind, or crashy smashy thing lola does — out of the irrational fear that someone is trying to get into our apartment. i know that the new bars would be practically impossible to pry open, but glass can be smashed, i guess. and i know that considering what was taken last time, there isn’t a whole lot here that is of appeal to anyone but myself and scooter…but…that icky feeling of a stranger being in my home. going through my things…well, it’s still there.
which is why i’m getting the hell out of here today. scooter and i cleaned yesterday, i put away most my clothes saturday…sure lounging around the house is a great way to spend a monday free from the shackles of work…but. i can’t do that right now. i spent too much time here yesterday as is.
i suck.